Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. — Psalm 34:14 (NASB)
Declaration of Independence
My husband's declaration of independence from our marriage set off fireworks, rivaling any Fourth of July spectacular. His freedom involving deceit, betrayal and abandonment ignited a series of emotions for friends, family, my sons, and me.
From that first sexual spark to the final fizzle, the ensuing conflict and divorce left me emotionally burned out and vulnerable. Colorful verbal pyrotechnics torched my heart with searing pain. For years, I struggled to overcome fireworks-related injuries.
Even though I desired emotional reconciliation with my X, verbal fireworks continued to fly, spin, zoom, and pop, making the peace with him that so I desired seem impossible.
A professional counselor pointed out a pattern in our conversations, "When your X lobs a verbal firecracker your way, it ignites your desire to connect and communicate your heart. Once hooked, he then baits you so you will blow up, relieving his guilt."
After every one of these pop, pop, pop displays, I suffered emotionally. He felt relieved. If I wanted peace, I'd have to practice fireworks safety.
How to Avoid Verbal Fireworks Injuries
The various Hebrew and Greek definitions of "peace" helped me understand how to avoid verbal fireworks injuries.
- "The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace," Exodus 14:14. (KJV). When words hooked my heart, I held my peace. In the Hebrew language, peace means, "to be silent, be dumb, be speechless, be deaf." Speechless hardly described my usual response. After a year of biting my tongue, I realized my independence. I grew deaf to any need to respond, frustrating him beyond measure.
- "Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it." Psalm 34:14 (NASB). I sought emotional peace during and after our conversations. I ran from words meant to upset me, setting me off.
- "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7 (NASB). I wanted peace in my life. I chose to trust God with my lot in life, even if it included a contentious X. My relationship with God became more important than maintaining an unhealthy relationship with a man. That freedom guarded my heart.