Monday, June 29, 2009

Seven Quintillion Five Quadrillion Reasons to Never Give Up

"How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." —Psalm 139:17-18 (NASB)

Seven Quintillion Five Quadrillion

Reasons to Never Give Up

When Kate Gosselin said, "I don't really want to be alone. I don't want to do this alone, but it's required and I've got to do it," I cried. I recalled being overwhelmed by those initial feelings of abandonment, aloneness and terror.

The first few months in my new apartment with my young sons, I fell asleep clinging to my Bible as if it were a Teddy Bear. Our move from our home to an apartment in another town increased my isolation. Everything familiar—our home, social network, and friends—disappeared. Friends no longer called or invited us to their homes. I vanished off the face of the universe and their social calendars.

Out of Sight. Out of Mind.

Everyone's lives moved forward without skipping a beat. Yet, the rhythm and familiar tune of my life turned to silence. How would I raise two sons alone?

Like a piece of irritating grit in my shoe, I could not shake the feeling that no one cared about us anymore. Yet geography, circumstances and loneliness did not disconnect God's care and concern for my sons and I.

My thoughts raced over and over rehearsing my fears, responsibilities and the impossibilities of finances and parenting alone. Life's quicksand sucked my energy and courage into a dark black hole. Bogged down by depression, treading water in quicksand only made me sink faster.

Looking back on those frightening days, I realize when life's quicksand mired my emotions, finances, time, and energy, God gently lifted me up and carried me forward. He reminded me, "My precious child, I love you. I will never leave you or forsake you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints in the sand, be assured that you are not alone. I am carrying you."

Some hypothesize that there are 7,500,000,000,000,000,000, or seven quintillion five quadrillion grains of sand in the world. God's precious thoughts about me and desire that my sons and I succeed outnumber every grain.

I am never out of God's sight or mind. He never gave up on me and I cannot give up on him.

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